We have already covered what steps that need to be taken in order to conduct your future business privately, out of the prying eyes of your soon to be ex-wife and her divorce attorney.  You’ve got the new mailing address, new e-mail address, and a safe  place to store your hard copies of everything.  Now is the time to start separating yourself financially.  The cost of the divorce will be bad enough…you do not want to find yourself in some sort of financial crisis because you left yourself vulnerable.  These things can be done fairly easily, but the headaches that they could cause if they aren’t taken care of could be astronomical.  The sad thing is that you would have nobody else to blame but yourself.

So read each step carefully, and consider putting them into practice as soon as possible:

1) Close any joint credit card accounts immediately. You do not want to find out later that your wife paid her divorce attorney’s retainer with a credit card that you are both responsible for.  Think of it… what if you get off scott-free and do not have to pay any of your wife’s legal fees (believe me they will try), but you find out that she used your joint credit card to pay for them in the first place.  Now with the debt likely to be split 50/50 you have to pay half her legal fees by default.  This is just one example, as she could simply go on one last shopping spree knowing that you will have to pay for at least half of it in the end.  It is just a safety precaution that every man going through a divorce should consider.

If there happens to be a credit card account under your name, and she is an authorized user, by all means have her “unauthorized” immediately.  But do not close that account.  You will need a credit card account or two to help with your expenses and/or any emergencies.  If you do not have your own account once you close out the joint accounts, then be sure and open one up.  You never know when it might come in handy, and you can trust me when I say that it will be a lot tougher to get a new account once you are officially divorced.  You are going to need a way to start building your credit up again and a new credit card account is a good way to start.

2)  Open a new checking and/or savings account in your name only. Some of you may already have one, but for those that don’t make sure to do it immediately.  You are going to need to keep your finances separate at some point in the divorce, so why not start now.  Besides this new account will be crucial for the next couple of steps.  And if you want some added security pick a bank or credit union that neither of you have used before.  If she doesn’t know where you are banking, it will be hard for her to come up with some scheme in the first place.  But just to be even safer, have it noted on your account that your wife (give them her full married and maiden name) is not to have access to this account in anyway.  That way they can be on alert for all sorts of possibilities, the most common being when she finds your checkbook and tries to write herself a check while forging your name.  She has probably forged your name before, in fact you may have asked her to, but now is not the time for her to start practicing your signature again.

3)  Re-route any direct deposits into your new bank account. This is just simply the practical thing to do.  If your paycheck gets direct deposited, then make sure that gets changed first.  This by no way means that you should stop paying any bills that you would normally.  It is just a way to make sure that she cannot get her hands on any extra money and use it as she pleases.  There is a very good chance that this will piss her off, but just remind her that this is what comes with a divorce and that you are still going to cover all the expenses that you have been… just out of another account that she doesn’t have access to.  If she usually handles all the bills, then just find out what needs to go where.  Eventually, you will have to be taking care of all your own bills anyway, so there is no better reason to start now.

4)  Optional, but recommended… Withdrawal exactly 50% of the funds in a joint account and deposit it into your new account. Now this may be considered a little sneaky, and you may be questioned (by the judge) as to why you did this.  But I consider this as being proactive.  Let’s say that you leave all the money in the joint account and someday you find that it has been completely cleared out by your wife.  Your are still entitled to 50% of this money, and with the right financial records it will be awarded back to you during the actual divorce.  But at that point, you are at the mercy of your new ex-wife as to when she will be able to get the money together to pay you back… if she ever does.  She will likely test your determination at first, and you will be forced to spend extra money in legal fees to file contempt charges, having the courts pressure her into paying you back that money.  In the end there is no way of knowing how long that will take.

How much simpler would it have been if you would have just transferred that 50% into your new account months earlier?  This can be done safely.  It’s just very important that you keep excellent financial records.  You need to have the definitive evidence that you transferred only 50% or less.  If there is just the least bit of question, make sure you always error on the lower side, which means it is always better to transfer say 48% than it is to transfer 51%.  If you are not confident in your financial records enough to back your actions up in court, by all means don’t do it.  If you have great records and are still skeptical, by all means consult with a divorce attorney first.  But now is the time to start protecting yourself, your kids, and your future, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Important Note: If there are any non-marital funds in the joint account (ie. money that she inherited or funds that she had saved prior to you getting married) be sure not to include that in calculating the 50%.  You are not entitled to money that will not be considered as marital, and if you make such a mistake, I promise that her divorce attorney will try and make you out to be a money-hungry thief.  This is definitely not worth risking, so remember to always error on the low side.

In all the questions that we would get from our visitors, this was probably one of the most common. Unfortunately, many men who are going through a divorce assume that they would be expected to move out of the house as the divorce is finalized.  You see it on TV all the time… The wife and the kids stay in the family home while a husband gets an apartment in the area.  And a lot of guys will actually do this before they even get a divorce attorney, assuming that the details will be worked out at a later date.

Are you ready for what you should really do?… Never move out of the house voluntarily!

There are several reasons why this is so important.  First off, you are telling everyone including the judge that you have the financial means to afford your own place, and in which case you will also likely have to help pay for the mortgage on the house that you don’t even live in.  Secondly, you are inadvertently telling the judge that you have no issues with letting your wife have custody of the kids.  If this wasn’t the case then why did you have no problem moving out of the house and leaving them behind.  None of this is probably your intentions, but it gives that perception and like always “actions speak louder the words”.

Then what is it that you should do? Especially when your wife keeps pushing you to leave… There a couple of alternatives to voluntarily moving out of your house.

• If your wife is so uncomfortable being around you during this time, then you can give her the option to move out.  She won’t like this option one bit, but if by some very slim chance she decides to leaves… Do not let her take the kids when she moves!!!  The children should not be uprooted from their home, their friends, because you and your wife are having issues.  Let her visit the kids when ever she wants, but she should not be allowed to move them.
• Since the first option is unlikely, you can suggest to your wife that you do a 50-50 share of the home until your divorce is finalized.  You each can live in the house 2 weeks out of the month, get to see your kids 50% of the time, and you can still claim the house as your permanent residence.  The other part of the time, live with a friend or family member so that you don’t have to get a whole other place to live the other 50% of the time (or work out a deal where you and your wife get an apartment together, where each of you can live while not staying at the house.
• And finally, if you have a big enough home, then set up separate living spaces at opposite sides of the house.  And come up with a schedule where you have minimal contact with your wife, until the divorce is figured out.  In the past this may have been an issue because some states required a specific separation period where the husband and wife live apart for a certain length of time.  But with the current economic times, many states have amended this to allow a husband and wife to separate without anyone moving out of the house, under the terms that there is no sexual relationship during this period.

It is very important to stick to your guns on this.  But you also need to be very cautious during this time period, because your wife and her divorce attorney may be cooking up a scheme on how to get you out of the house via a restraining order or no contact order using false accusations of abuse, or claim that you are a threat to her safety.  We will get in more detail on this in the near future, and talk about some ways that you can go about protecting yourself from this.  In the meantime, avoid all unnecessary confrontations with your wife.

You can also speak with your attorney about writing up some paperwork so that you can move out of the house without worrying about the perception issues mentioned earlier.  This often comes in the form of a separation agreement, again something we will go into more detail in a later post (including how you can come up with your own bullet-proof agreement).

Note: If you are concerned about false accusations made by your wife and her divorce attorney or have already been victimized by this unethical, yet common, divorce tactic, then you should seriously check out Restraining Order 911 by Ron Lasorsa.  A very unique guide that will show you how to “cover your ass” in this situation.