As you will soon see, Item #3 of the divorce checklist is where the real action begins. The time has come to stop questioning yourself. The time to be depressed about the end of you marriage is over, and you need to get excited at the chance that you will soon be a “free man” again. You have spent a lot of your energy wondering where everything went wrong, and whether or not your marriage was worth saving. Some of you tried to no avail, others knew that there was no point in saving something that turned out to be so miserable. It is extremely difficult to fight love, and if that love is strong enough it makes us do stupid things, like get married to a person who has only showed one side to us. And it’s sad to think that it is a common thought among women..”I am married now, I don’t have to try so hard anymore”. Ironically, it is often a thought like this that leads to them being divorced.
Hopefully, you have done your homework up until now. You have created a private side to you that will help launch you back into the world once the divorce is over. You contained all your finances, and prevented yourself from falling deeper in the hole. You have taken the time to research the better known divorce attorneys in your area, and have possibly talked to one or two of them. You should have an idea by now about what your divorce has in store for you. Are you in for an all-out court battle, or you going to be able agree, sign some forms, shake hands, and part ways? In reality, 90% of all divorces are somewhere in between, but the closer you come to achieving the latter, the better of both of you will be at the end of the day.
There are a number of questions that you need answers for and some action you need to take before you can move on from this stage. Does your state require you to be separated for a certain period of time before you can file for a divorce? Have you officially separated from your wife, and if you are still staying in the same home, do you have proper documentation of when the marriage separation began? Have you spoken to her about how you are going to split up the debts and assets? In most states, it is a 50/50 split, but you need to know the actual details of that split.
And what about a divorce attorney? Are you and your wife going to be one of the lucky ones who can start and finish your divorce with total agreement and thus have no need for a divorce attorney. If not then you should be very close to hiring an attorney by this point in your divorce. And if you haven’t gone so far as to find some good attorneys and/or haven’t consulted with any of them, then you need to get the ball rolling on this immediately. I would be shocked to find that your wife hasn’t at least talked to one attorney by this point. She will likely be the one to actually file the divorce, but you need to be ready for it.
How about the emotional roller coaster you are about to get on? Up to this point, you have been probably feeling a lot of resentment and/or depression. But now that the ball is going to start rolling a lot faster and your emotions are going to do the same. Some days you will feel fine, others will be filled with anger. The stress will pile up and you will have problems sleeping, even if you have never had this issue before. But it is not all bad, some days you will actually find happiness and/or excitement because something has really gone your way. The emotions that YOU will actually go through will be tough to predict, but it is crucial that you don’t let them steer your decision making. Use your brains, not your emotions, to make the decisions from here on out. If, for instance, you let anger rule your decision making, then there will be a very bumpy road ahead of you.
We will go over all these issues and more. There will be tips that help with you make educated decisions, and other information on how to get through this step with as little stress as possible, and your finances intact.
Quick Review of Item #3 of the Divorce Checklist
- If you haven’t completed some of the goals of the previous section, it’s time to make some progress.
- This step will require some of the biggest decisions yet, with the exception of the deciding to get a divorce.
- The marriage separation becomes a part of the divorce process now, not just a way to get away from your wife for a while.
- Each state has different rules/requirements for the marriage separation and you need to know what your state has to say about it.
- If you determine that a divorce attorney will be required, you need to be moving rather quickly on this.
- The divorce attorney will make sure that everything that is done from here on out will be accepted into your divorce case.
- Be ready for the emotions to start spinning. There will be such a change from day to day, you will likely start to feel a lot of stress, anger, pressure, and even embarrassment. It’s normal, but DO NOT let it cloud your judgment.
- As always send us an e-mail, if there are specific questions that you cannot find an answer to.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
What happens if my wife files first, wil she automatically get custody of our child?
Hi Kurtis,
Your wife may have beat you to the punch when it comes to filing for the divorce, but actually that happens in over 75% of divorces in this country. But that means absolutely nothing when it comes to the custody of your child. If that was the case, then there would be a race to court clerk’s office every time. My advice to you is…
1) If you don’t already have one, Find yourself a divorce attorney (Go here if you want a local divorce attorney to evaluate your case)
2) Do not voluntarily leave the house and leave you child behind without having an agreement in place.
3) Prepare yourself for anything! It’s time to really do your research!
And continue posting if you have anymore questions…
Good Luck to you!
Chris
(Disclaimer: Remember, “I am not an attorney and therefore cannot give you legal advice concerning your divorce; however, I do have a strong understanding of how the system works so I can discuss the options with you…)