In item #2 of the divorce checklist, we will go over some different strategies and information that you will need to take into account, plans that need to be made in case you have to take quick action once your efforts to save your marriage stop working and/or things start taking a turn for the worse. Some of you may be here because you are considering a divorce, others are here because you already know in your mind that you are getting a divorce and a few of you just learned that your wife has suddenly demanded a divorce. In any case, once you determine that a divorce is inevitable you need to start preparing immediately. Your livelihood, your future may be at stake here, and its imperative that you stay one step ahead of everyone else.
The primary reason why you have to be a head of the game is because you are already starting out from behind. Unless you have been purposely ignoring everything that has to do with divorce (i.e. TV, news, magazines, the internet) for the majority of your life, you already know that there is still a gender bias in our country’s divorce process. For the better part of our history, the men in a divorce have been required to keep providing for his ex-wife for well after the divorce. This was important in the past when the husband was the primary source of income while the wife took care of the house and family. Just think back to any 50’s or 60’s television show when they often depicted the “perfect family life”… The husband announces that he is home from a long day at the office as the family sits down to a big dinner that the wife has been busy preparing all afternoon.
Times have changed a lot since those days, and yet the divorce process is still lagging behind. Women are now more likely to have careers, they have just as much education, and earn an income that is comparable to their husbands. Sure they still have the children (we couldn’t change that even if we wanted to), but that no longer means that she is required to become a stay-at-home Mom. There are laws that protect their jobs, when they have to take time off to have a child. Stay-at-home dads are even becoming more common. Equal rights for women have progressed a lot in this country, as they should, and yet there is still the issue where the wife is considered the victim of a divorce. And oftentimes, under the guidance of her divorce attorney, she plays the part very well.
So in order to generate a level playing field, you as the man in the divorce is going to have to work a lot harder than anyone else. That is the way it is, and is not going to change anytime soon, so it’s not worth dwelling on it for any longer than it takes to read this post. Use the time you have now wisely.
This time should be used for gathering information. Information on your assets, your debts, and all sources of income. Now is the time to speculate on what your divorce will bring you. Are you lucky enough to have a uncontested divorce that you can finish quickly and at minimal cost? Or will it turn into an all-out divorce battle? If you are going to need a divorce attorney, now is the time to do some research and schedule consultations (But don’t hire anyone yet, unless you absolutely need to). Also, during this time, keep your emotions at bay! Don’t go getting yourself into a bind because you can’t control your anger, resentment, and/or jealousy. Besides the less emotion that you show, the more mysterious you will be to your wife. It makes it hard for her to guess what you are up to, giving you more freedom to plan your next move.
The most important thing is that you do not fall behind on what you need to get done. It is very easy to do during this period because there is no one there to direct you, you don’t know how long you have before things really start to heat up, and unless you are able to go days without sleep, and/or going to work, you will not know what exactly your wife is up to. We will try and give you some guidance on what to do during this time, but because every marriage and divorce is different, it is impossible to cover every detail. So you will have to make some decisions on your own!
Quick Review of Item #2 of the Divorce Checklist
- Now is not the time to sit and wait for something to happen… Now is the time to prepare for what is to come!
- You, as the man in the divorce, are going to start from behind; that the nature of the divorce process in this country.
- If doesn’t look like you are working harder than everyone else, then your not doing enough.
- You need to start gathering important information (ie financial info) and storing it in a safe place.
- It’s time to determine if you will need a divorce attorney, if so, do your research and schedule consultations.
- Keep your emotions in check! One outburst could certainly lead to problems and gives your wife too much ammo.
- Do Not Move Out of Your House Voluntarily! This in itself has repercussions. If you want to move out, then make sure the time is right.
- Prepare yourself mentally for what is to come. Remember, the woman that you are divorcing is obviously not the same woman that you married.
- As always send us an e-mail, if there are specific questions that you cannot find an answer to.
