A divorce actually begins way before you hire a divorce attorney or file a petition with the courts. It officially starts when your feelings for your wife begin to change. It starts when the idea of separating from her becomes a common thought in your head and yet you feel comfortable with it. This may not mean that you will divorced by this time next year. But it does say, that at least in your mind, she is no longer a part of your long term future.
Now these feelings may not start with you, actually there is a strong possibility that you may be the one on the other side of the fence here. Statistics say that way more that 50% of the time, the actual divorce process is initiated by the woman in the marriage. But at the same time these feelings of growing apart could be mutual, the same thoughts that are going through each of your heads. Rarely do you find that one partner in the marriage is completely oblivious to the fact that their relationship is in trouble. Now that’s not to say that your wife won’t act completely surprised or stunned when the topic of a separation or divorce is finally brought up, but believe me, she knew that things were not going well. But regardless of who decides to come forward first, without any intervention there is a strong possibility that you will be a divorced man some time in the future.
The only way the someone or something will be able to intervene in the break down of your marriage is if you (or your wife) recognizes these feelings and wants to make an honest effort improve the marriage. Otherwise; it will continue to build up until it reaches the point where someone finally stands up and says those for little words… “I Want A Divorce”. By this point, neither of you can deny the problems with your marriage and the probability of being able to change or reverse the situation reduces significantly.
Now I am not saying that pulling your marriage back from the brink of divorce is impossible at this point. There are several steps that you and your wife can take to make an honest effort to save your marriage, but these exact same steps would have been much more effective if the effort was made prior to this point. For instance, turning to friends and family for advice or going to marriage counseling may help reconcile your feelings, your anger, your resentment, your withdrawal from your wife. But at least one of you has to make a 100% honest effort to make this change; Obviously if both of you puts forth this same effort , the chances of avoiding a divorce increase even more.
So at this point, regardless if you and your wife have began to talk about a separation and/or divorce, you have a very important decision to make. Are you willing to make an honest effort to save your marriage? The key here is that you need to be willing to compromise and put in the hard work that will be required to keep your marriage going, which will be even more difficult if there are circumstances that have caused some serious damage to your relationship (ie. infidelity, abuse, etc). Most people around you will say that they are all for seeing you and your wife work things out and avoid the hell that your divorce would likely turn in to, but if neither of you have the desire than it is not worth the effort of just going through the motions. A divorce will be difficult enough without the added stress of seeing your efforts to save your marriage go without any improvement.
If you do choose to make a go at avoiding a divorce, we are going to provide you with some basic information on where you can begin. But if you have taken the time to read about what we went through in our marriages and subsequent divorce, I am sure that you will notice that neither Joe, Mike or myself was able to (or even given the chance to) save our marriages. But all is not lost because there is a website and guide available that will not only get you started, but basically take you through the process step-by-step. Simply referred to as “Save My Marriage Today”, it comes highly recommended by us even though we didn’t get a chance to review it until after it was too late.
If you have already come to the decision that you are not going to be able to (or simply do not want to) save your marriage, well then we have a “little” bit more experience with that. You can skip ahead to the next item on the checklist where we are going to start going over some steps that you need to take immediately, as if a divorce now seems inevitable.
Quick Review of Item #1 of the Divorce Checklist
- A divorce actually begins before any attorneys, courts, papers and/or petitions are involved.
- You must recognize that your marriage is taking a turn for the worse.
- You also need to realize that even though you recognize this as much as you wife does, it is more likely that she will be the one to take action first.
- Now is the time to decide if you want to make the effort that is necessary to try and save your marriage (It is not worth “half-assing” it).
- If you decide to make a go at trying to stop your divorce then you need to take action immediately… Do your Research! (Check out “Save My Marriage Today”)
- If stopping your divorce is not an option, then move onto the next item on the divorce checklist.
- As always send us an e-mail, if there are specific questions that you cannot find an answer to.
