In all the questions that we would get from our visitors, this was probably one of the most common. Unfortunately, many men who are going through a divorce assume that they would be expected to move out of the house as the divorce is finalized. You see it on TV all the time… The wife and the kids stay in the family home while a husband gets an apartment in the area. And a lot of guys will actually do this before they even get a divorce attorney, assuming that the details will be worked out at a later date.
Are you ready for what you should really do?… Never move out of the house voluntarily!
There are several reasons why this is so important. First off, you are telling everyone including the judge that you have the financial means to afford your own place, and in which case you will also likely have to help pay for the mortgage on the house that you don’t even live in. Secondly, you are inadvertently telling the judge that you have no issues with letting your wife have custody of the kids. If this wasn’t the case then why did you have no problem moving out of the house and leaving them behind. None of this is probably your intentions, but it gives that perception and like always “actions speak louder the words”.
Then what is it that you should do? Especially when your wife keeps pushing you to leave… There a couple of alternatives to voluntarily moving out of your house.
- If your wife is so uncomfortable being around you during this time, then you can give her the option to move out. She won’t like this option one bit, but if by some very slim chance she decides to leaves… Do not let her take the kids when she moves!!! The children should not be uprooted from their home, their friends, because you and your wife are having issues. Let her visit the kids when ever she wants, but she should not be allowed to move them.
- Since the first option is unlikely, you can suggest to your wife that you do a 50-50 share of the home until your divorce is finalized. You each can live in the house 2 weeks out of the month, get to see your kids 50% of the time, and you can still claim the house as your permanent residence. The other part of the time, live with a friend or family member so that you don’t have to get a whole other place to live the other 50% of the time (or work out a deal where you and your wife get an apartment together, where each of you can live while not staying at the house.
- And finally, if you have a big enough home, then set up separate living spaces at opposite sides of the house. And come up with a schedule where you have minimal contact with your wife, until the divorce is figured out. In the past this may have been an issue because some states required a specific separation period where the husband and wife live apart for a certain length of time. But with the current economic times, many states have amended this to allow a husband and wife to separate without anyone moving out of the house, under the terms that there is no sexual relationship during this period.
It is very important to stick to your guns on this. But you also need to be very cautious during this time period, because your wife and her divorce attorney may be cooking up a scheme on how to get you out of the house via a restraining order or no contact order using false accusations of abuse, or claim that you are a threat to her safety. We will get in more detail on this in the near future, and talk about some ways that you can go about protecting yourself from this. In the meantime, avoid all unnecessary confrontations with your wife.
You can also speak with your attorney about writing up some paperwork so that you can move out of the house without worrying about the perception issues mentioned earlier. This often comes in the form of a separation agreement, again something we will go into more detail in a later post (including how you can come up with your own bullet-proof agreement).
Note: If you are concerned about false accusations made by your wife and her divorce attorney or have already been victimized by this unethical, yet common, divorce tactic, then you should seriously check out Restraining Order 911 by Ron Lasorsa. A very unique guide that will show you how to “cover your ass” in this situation.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Great advice. I know too many men who moved out way before they had to. Personally, I was in the house for 9 moths before I was forced to move and it worked out fine.
I understand why I should stay in the house, and I honestly cannot afford to pay the mortgage and still get a place of my own. I built the house with my dad and 2 brothers and don’t want to give up on it so easily. But I am really concerned about what would happen as my divorce moves along. She asked for the divorce, and I know for sure that she has been out with another guy more than once. But she acts like she is pissed at me for agreeing to the divorce, and “breaking up the family”. She tells me that I need to move out at least 20 times a day.
I know she is capable of doing some real spiteful things. Early on in the marriage she was convinced that I was messing around on her. So one time after we got back from a party, we got into an argument about it. I told her over and over again that it wasn’t true, but because she was so drunk she wouldn’t let up. She ended up calling the cops and claiming that I threw her to the floor and tried to kick her. And when they showed up, she actually laid on the floor and started acting like she was hurt. The cops cuffed me right away, and had me sitting on my driveway for over an hour before finally figuring out that nothing happened. And I still had to leave for the night! I know that she would do something like this again, and I am worried that this time she would get them to believe her lies. I feel like the best plan is to stay as far away from her as possible until the divorce is over. But I cant stand the thought of losing my home! I need some advice on how I can handle this properly. If she is able to pin some domestic violence thing on me, I know for sure that I would lose my job. What the hell should I do?!?