Signs That Your Wife Might Be Having an Affair

by Chris on September 2, 2010

Whenever you’re in a long-term, romantic relationship (especially a marriage) with somebody, absolutely nothing can put a halt to that relationship like the feelings associated with a wife who is or has been cheating. In the event that you find yourself worried that your wife may not be completely trustworthy, you will likely want to know what to look for as signs that she might be having an affair.  Although, I have not been through such a situation (that I am aware of), I have researched the topic thoroughly as it is often a reason why many marriages lead to divorce.  The affair, itself, is not often the cause of the divorce, but it is the feelings of betrayal that are almost impossible to get over.

A quick warning before I continue… No single point that I discuss from here on out is a guarantee that your wife is being unfaithful!  Look for a combination of peculiar behaviors and treat them as possible warning signs that would be a reason to pay close attention.  If anything, use what I am about to go over as a test to see if more attention needs to be put on exactly what your wife is up to when you are not around.  But if you are planning on confronting her about an affair, make sure that you are 100% certain of what is really going on.  Otherwise, constantly accusing your wife of cheating when she is NOT, can cause just as many problems with your marriage as if she was actually having an affair.

With that said, the following are some behaviors that you will want to look out for:
1) You may find that suddenly your wife is becoming exceedingly more worried about the way she looks.  Does she spend more time (and money) making sure that she looks good even though you are not even aware of her having any reason and/or plans?  Have they changed their look and clothes after many years, but not discussed with you why they are doing it?  Is she going to the gym or simply exercising a lot more often even though she has done nothing of the sort since before you two were married?

All of these things do not automatically mean that you should start to worry, and full body makeovers are very common these days.  But if you casually question her about the changes, and she denies them or comes back with an excuse that makes no sense, then you will want to look for other signs that something sneaky is going on.  This may be the most obvious or outward sign, because she knows that you would not be upset if she was simply wanting to improve her appearance and figure.  In fact, most husbands would be happy see it, but if only these changes were not being used to impress/attract someone else.  Anyway you put it, these are only precursors and should never be used as the only evidence you have to accuse her of cheating.  Think about it… What if she is making these changes in an attempt to improve your relationship.  Either way, let her know that you have noticed the changes and that you “like it”.

2) The next sign may be a little more subtle and hard to recognize at first.  But if you know what to pay attention to, it should not be that difficult.  Keep an eye out to determine if your wife is more concerned about her privacy that she has been in the past.  For instance, does she take her phone calls to another part of the house even though you are the only other person present? Does she act startled or make quick changes to what’s on the monitor when you walk  in the room when she is on the computer?  Does she all the sudden start deleting information about what she is looking at on the web when you thought that she didn’t even know how to do that?

If this is all happening then it should be obvious that she is talking about or looking at something that she does not want you to know about.  But does that mean that she is cheating or even thinking about having an affair? Not Really… She could be planning a suprise party for you or researching that she doesn’t want you to know about yet.  Or even has a friend who is having an affair that she needs to keep secret from everyone including you.  Again this could be just one piece of the puzzle, but alone it is not strong enough evidence that she is the middle of an affair.

(Quick Note: Unless you wife is a hacker or some trained computer specialist, it is unlikely that she knows how to properly erase everything on the computer that she would need to.  The key is being able to find it.  There are several software tools that can find all the traces that are left on the computer’s hard drive from internet activity.  One such tool is  the “Evidence Eraser“, and it can help you properly erase your internet activity as well.)

3) Another sign that works in much the same way is if your wife becomes seems to suddenly shy away from being intimate.  The key to look out for here is if the change occurs suddenly.  This is not to be confused with the decrease in sexual appetite that gets more common as the relationship, in this case a marriage, grows older.  Nobody ever wants to admit that their marriage will become less physical, but time often changes that.

You also need to look out for other conditions that could lead to a sudden, decreased interest in sex.  There are several medical reasons to explain (you can do your own research on that) and something as common as stress can do the trick as well.  If there is a sudden onset of stress associated with things like financial problems or work-related issues, you will surely want to consider that before automatically accuse her of cheating.  But if everything else in your world seems to be normal and she still constantly shuns your attempts to make love, then there is a valid reason for you to suspect something.

4) The fourth possible sign actually pulls a 180 on what we have been talking about before.  Have you noticed that your wife has suddenly paid more attention to you, but not in an overly intimate way?  For instance, has she started buying you gifts or making you extravagant meals for no apparent reason at all?  If this is happening at a rapid rate, then there is a chance that she is trying to subside a guilty conscience.  This guilt will cause her to act more kindly to you, but is not yet stong enough to end the affair or to tell you what is wrong.  If you find that this is happening in your marriage then you should really press her as to where this guilt is coming from.  They will often deny out it or come up with a story that does not relate to the amount of guilt that they are exhibiting.

5) A final sign will tend to develop over time, but it will become more and more noticeable to you.  Think hard about previous conversations and try to determine if your wife has picked up different phrases or slang terms that she has never used in the previous time that you have been together.  Do you find them randomly singing rock songs when you know that she would never listen to that type of music before?  If this is becoming commonplace you should casually ask her where she picked these things up.  If she has a quick descriptive answer than she is likely telling the truth.  But if she has to think hard about it and still comes up with a very vague answer like “I heard somewhere the other day” then it is not wrong to be a little suspicious.

Remember, it takes more than one of these signs to really start to worry about whether or not your wife is having an affair.  And even then, make sure you don’t jump to any conclusions without investigating their true meanings.  But if you are patient and take the time needed to look for these meanings and still can’t find any real reasons, then it may be time to be suspicious and start really getting down to the root of all this.  Be careful to not let your wife know what you are up to and by all means do not get caught while you are in the middle of doing some investigating.

I wish I had all the answers and steps to give you in order to find the facts that you need.  I have seen what a man goes through when he feels strongly that his wife is cheating, but doesn’t know how to verify it.  I am not telling you to go out and hire a professional, because in this age of no-fault divorce, it really doesn’t matter if your wife is cheating on you or not.  But peace of mind is something that you should strive for, it will help you to get on with your life.  If you need to know what steps to take in order to find out the real facts, then I suggest looking into a manual of some sort.  For instance, this guide goes over the exact procedures that private investigators use for their clients and better yet, it lets you know what processes are legal and which ones could get you into a little trouble.  But if knowing the truth is a high priority to you then a manual like this one would be a small price to pay for your sanity.

With all that being said, I sincerely hope that you never find yourself in this position.  Marriages can lead to divorce for a number of different reasons, but finding out that a wife that you shared your life with has been cheating for the last 2 years, can make that divorce that much more painful to go through.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Matt September 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm

My wife called 911 and kicked me out of the house…she demonstrates 4 out of the 5, and she threatened divorce before calling 911…is it likely she’s having an afiar?

Cheryl November 2, 2011 at 6:29 am

Writing this for my brother who found out his wife cheated on him. He wants a divorce as his oldest daughter turns 18 next year. But he is concerned about his wife getting half of his pension. When they bought their home, she was working at some point but after the urging of her single sister, she decided not to work anymore so he would have to take care of her. Their home since turned upside down and she refused to work and help with the mortgage. The house is now in foreclosure. He wants a divorce that is as financially painless as possible. Help me paint a realistic picture for him. He is mostly concerned about a cheating, dis-respectful wife getting half of his hard-earned pension. They were married for 15 years. Thank you.

Norbert December 2, 2011 at 7:57 pm

A friend of mine was with his wife and she and eldest daughter was 911 happy! Finally he moved out got a divorce and went to Georgia! Now after he left the all the kids realized that the problem was mom ! alcohol, drugs and they live with dad!

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