Now that your divorce is coming, the time has come for you to start thinking about living your own separate life again. For however long you were married, you have shared virtually everything with your wife, from financial issues to medical decisions, but that is no longer the case. You are going to have to strive to keep your stuff private and away from her prying eyes for the first time in a long while. This is particularly important with any issues and/or information that will be involved in your divorce process. Financial statements, correspondence with you divorce attorney, constant knowledge of your whereabouts are no longer her business anymore, and it is your responsibility to take the necessary steps to keep that way!
The following are a few easy steps that you can do get things started. Just know that this officially marks the time where you are on your way to living your own private life again. It may make you a little nervous at first, but after a little while the nervousness may change into a sense of liberation, which should be a good feeling…
- Find yourself a place that you can use as a address that your wife does not have access to. This will be used for all future legal and financial matters that she has no business knowing about. You could simply change your mailing address to a family member’s or friend’s house, but the best option is to go ahead an get a P.O. box. It is much more secure and you won’t have to go into any explanations as to why your mailing address is different, even though you claim to be living in the same home.
Note: If you do decide to use someone else’s house as a new mailing address, then make sure that you trust this person 100%, even if someone offers them a little money to disclose sensitive information about you. Also, only change the mailing addresses of important stuff, like bank accounts and credit cards, and let the utility bills and junk mail continue to come to the house.
- In this age of technology, it is also important to have an e-mail address that only you have access to. There is just as much correspondence coming in via email as there is through regular mail these days. Many attorneys and their paralegals use e-mail to discuss issues in your case and send you papers to be signed. You definitely don’t want you wife poking into this kind information. Also, if you get any important information (ie. financial statements, divorce attorney correspondence, etc) sent to you through your e-mail address, then make sure you print out a hard copy to store with your other important files.
Another Note: Google’s email service, gMail, works just fine for something like this. It’s secure, free to use, and can be accessed anywhere you have internet. Just make sure that you use a password that your wife will not be able to guess, and that your computer will not accidentally store the password so that she can log in to your account the second you turn your back.
- I have already talked about having hard copies of everything, but want to re-iterate it one more time. Save all statements, bills, correspondence, and anything that even looks like it could be important. Find a place to store these files so that you wife cannot get a hold of it. I found a place at work amid all my other work folders. So even if she went to the trouble of sneaking into my office, she would have one hell of a time trying to find anything that was actually important.
Final Note: We will talk about this more in a later post, but this is a good time to mention it. Let your boss and your co-workers know that you are in the process in going through a divorce. Not only do they make good support (they are always good for a confidence boost), but they will know that if your wife or some other strange person comes snooping around to tell them to get lost. And they are always good to let you know if she came around or if they saw here out and about town. They tend to make for some good (& free) private investigators by just keeping there eyes open.
If you complete these steps and make a good effort to make sure she doesn’t find out about the specifics, then you are well on your way to being properly prepared for your divorce. Immediately following this post, we will talk about the first couple of things that you can do to protect your finances. This financial advice will be the first to make good use of the work that we hope you accomplished from the information here.
