The following is the 2nd part of an article that offers a description of the kind of information available through SecretDivorce.com.  It has proven to be somewhat challenging to describe the type of divorce advice that this site offers without revealing any of their “trademarked secrets”… After all, the creators and owners of Secret Divorce our practicing attorneys and the last thing I need to be concerned about is another day in court!

I eventually made the decision to develop a list of topics covered in their membership area and if any of them are important to you, then it would be in your favor to check out their site in more detail.  This is really the best way that I know on how to cover the many tricks that Secret Divorce can teach you.  The creators of the site have given a lot of attention to making it known that each and every topic they cover is copyrighted material.  They are also very much aware that the information they are offering could result in lost revenue for themselves and other attorneys throughout the country.  If you were to consider that Secret Divorce is the equivalent to having an entire day with the best divorce attorney in you area, and at a very minimum of $200/hour, then it would be easier to understand how a site like Secret Divorce can results in significant savings for its members.

Pay very close attention to the following list, and determine for yourself if these topics offered by SecretDivorce.com are important to you…

• When to really start planning a divorce and the exact time a specific action should be taken
• How to ensure that the wife will not become suspicious and rush to the aid of an attorney
• How something as simple as a excellent timing and a little patience is able to ensure a “successful” divorce
• When and where to spend money so that it will actually help your divorce case
• Step-by-step instructions on how someone can reduce or even eliminate the chance of having to pay alimony… (This information is priceless!)
• Ways to all but guarantee that you can have top choice of Divorce/Family Law attorneys
• The actual circumstances that could cause an attorney to have to actually “resign” from your divorce case
• Exact records a father should keep in order to “document” how important he is to his kids
• What details a Father should know “by heart” about his kids in order to impress the judge/mediator
• The fool-proof way to make certain that one will have to pay less in child support (WITHOUT affecting his kids)
• What impact a divorce will have on the husband’s taxes this year and many, many years to come
• Not only finding the best attorney but making sure he/she gives 110% to their client
• What to do with and for the children that will not only tighten the Father-child relationship, but will demonstrate to everyone involved that your child(ren) DO NEED YOU!!

This barely scratches the surface on everything that you could learn, but it was definitely some of the key topics that stood out to me.  As it turns out, these “secret” tips are only part of the learning process, as SecretDivorce.com offers other resources throughout their membership area.  The following is only the short-list of resources offered…

• Countless real life examples that are used to further explain each topic
• Quizzes that help you to remember the most important tips
• An interactive worksheet where a big part of the prep work is already finished for you (They tell you exactly when to use it)
• A forum covering what others have done in your situation & a way you can ask questions that are specific to your case

I know that there is plenty that I have left out, but honestly, if your are still not interested in Secret Divorce, then it is probably not for you.  After going over this time and again, I have realized what this website is really all about… It is a complete course on planning and executing the “perfect divorce”.

It’s not typical that we come across something that deserves a full post on our site, and this is likely the only time you will ever see a 2-part review.  But SecretDivorce.com is really that important, especially to those guys who know their divorce could turn into a full-blown war!  At the moment, there is no other site on the internet that I can compare it to.  It is more comparable to having a relative/best friend who happens to be an experienced family law attorney and has enough free time to take you by the hand and show you the exact steps to take in your divorce and when to take them.  But even then, they have to be willing to only charge a couple bucks an hour.  If you happen to be part of the 99.9% of us who are not this fortunate, then you owe it to yourself to take the time and visit SecretDivorce.com.  There really much to lose here, if anything doesn’t live up to your expectations, then you simply cash in on their money-back guarantee and request a refund.

One last note… I strongly encourage anyone who has had experience with Secret Divorce to leave some comments below.  I know the importance of all the topics they cover, but as my divorce was several years ago, I wasn’t able to use any of the “tips” that they reveal.  If you have, leave a comment and let us all know how it turned out… Good or Bad!

Disclosure: MensDivorceHQ.com could receive compensation for Any purchase made through this website.  Click here for further details.

(NOTE: This was supposed to be one article about what Secret Divorce was all about, but once I started writing, I soon realized that there is no way that it would fit.  So for your convenience and my sanity, I have decided to split it up into 2 parts.  But please do not forget, to read through part 2; otherwise, you will be missing out on some really good information! So, with that out of the way, I will begin…

We have all been online for a while now, and our website about men’s divorce has been going strong for well over 3 years.  During this time, we have been well aware of a website simply known as SecretDivorce.com, but at the same time, we knew very little about it.  And yet it remained there in its own little corner of the web year after year, filling up with updates and testimonials.

Eventually I grew curious enough to contact someone at the website to find out what it was all about.  After all, it is another site dedicated to helping men make it through their divorce, and could actually be of some help to our visitors.  I was quite surprised to find a reply, sitting there in my inbox, less than 15 minutes from when I sent that first e-mail.  An even bigger surprise was the enthusiastic tone of the email and the praise that they had for our little website.  We exchanged emails, as the gentleman on the other end was more than willing to answer any and all questions that I had.  It was near the end of the conversation when I received the offer that I had been waiting for… “Would you like exclusive access to the membership area of SecretDivorce.com?”.  I think anyone could guess my answer to this one, and within 10 minutes I had a 3-day pass to finally see what this Secret Divorce site was all about.

Had I not been impressed about what I learned during these 3 days, I can promise you that I would not be taking up my time and yours with this article.  At the risk of sounding like some spokesman for their site, had we previously known the type on information in their membership area, MensDivorceHQ.com would finally be the complete  package when it comes to divorce advice for men.  However, being that none of us are divorce attorneys with years of case experience, it’s fairly simple to explain the difference between our site and theirs.

I will end the first part of this article by stating the obvious, and getting some of the formalities out of the way before I start into some of the details of why SecretDivorce.com could have all the answers that many of you are looking for…

1. It offers Real Legal Advice from Real Attorneys! How often have you visited a website (ours included) that has the disclaimer that the creators of the site are not attorneys and have no legal experience at all?  Worst yet, have you ever PAID for something to find that same exact disclaimer?  Sure, they all have their value, but nothing can serve as a substitute for genuine legal experience.
2. It can literally save you thousands of dollars! For the time that it would take to gather up this kind of information, you would be out a lot of time and money.  Not to mention the fact that only a lawyer has the know-how to give instructions like these.  At the going rate 0f $200-300 /hour, you would already be facing a huge legal bill.  If that was not enough, SecretDivorce.com devotes a lot of time showing you how to considerably reduce any support that your wife would be after.  They even show you how to get your wife to unknowingly help out your cause!
3. Nothing gets shipped and there is absolutely nothing to download! Sound like a rip-off? Not really if you think about it.  You can’t be discovered using a site like SecretDivorce.com, if there is nothing to carry around or save to your computer.  But yet it can be used anywhere that you have internet access, and can be used on anything from desktop computers, notebooks, and net-books to smartphones, iPhones, Android phones, and even the new iPads.  And in case your worried about what could show up on a billing statement… It will simply refer to “Clickbank”, which is a company that handles the payment processing for thousands of different internet products on every subject that you could think of (i.e. how to have a happy marriage).
4. The No-Questions-Asked 100% Money Back Guarantee! Any time you purchase something over the internet this should be a given, especially when you can’t see it there on the shelf and you can’t look through it.  But SecretDivorce.com doesn’t hide their guarantee somewhere at the bottom of the page.  In fact, it’s one of the first things you see when visiting their website, and it is posted everywhere!

This may not be news to you, and you might not find it very impressive, but I would only hope that you do not dismiss anything until you read the 2nd part of this article.  That is when I will get into the specifics on SecretDivorce.com, and why it could be the best investment you could make right now!

Take some time to look over the site and read through all the testimonials left by past customers… SecretDivorce.com

Disclosure: The owners of this site could be compensated for any purchase made through outgoing links.  Click here for further details.

Whenever you’re in a long-term, romantic relationship (especially a marriage) with somebody, absolutely nothing can put a halt to that relationship like the feelings associated with a wife who is or has been cheating. In the event that you find yourself worried that your wife may not be completely trustworthy, you will likely want to know what to look for as signs that she might be having an affair.  Although, I have not been through such a situation (that I am aware of), I have researched the topic thoroughly as it is often a reason why many marriages lead to divorce.  The affair, itself, is not often the cause of the divorce, but it is the feelings of betrayal that are almost impossible to get over.

A quick warning before I continue… No single point that I discuss from here on out is a guarantee that your wife is being unfaithful!  Look for a combination of peculiar behaviors and treat them as possible warning signs that would be a reason to pay close attention.  If anything, use what I am about to go over as a test to see if more attention needs to be put on exactly what your wife is up to when you are not around.  But if you are planning on confronting her about an affair, make sure that you are 100% certain of what is really going on.  Otherwise, constantly accusing your wife of cheating when she is NOT, can cause just as many problems with your marriage as if she was actually having an affair.

With that said, the following are some behaviors that you will want to look out for:
1) You may find that suddenly your wife is becoming exceedingly more worried about the way she looks.  Does she spend more time (and money) making sure that she looks good even though you are not even aware of her having any reason and/or plans?  Have they changed their look and clothes after many years, but not discussed with you why they are doing it?  Is she going to the gym or simply exercising a lot more often even though she has done nothing of the sort since before you two were married?

All of these things do not automatically mean that you should start to worry, and full body makeovers are very common these days.  But if you casually question her about the changes, and she denies them or comes back with an excuse that makes no sense, then you will want to look for other signs that something sneaky is going on.  This may be the most obvious or outward sign, because she knows that you would not be upset if she was simply wanting to improve her appearance and figure.  In fact, most husbands would be happy see it, but if only these changes were not being used to impress/attract someone else.  Anyway you put it, these are only precursors and should never be used as the only evidence you have to accuse her of cheating.  Think about it… What if she is making these changes in an attempt to improve your relationship.  Either way, let her know that you have noticed the changes and that you “like it”.

2) The next sign may be a little more subtle and hard to recognize at first.  But if you know what to pay attention to, it should not be that difficult.  Keep an eye out to determine if your wife is more concerned about her privacy that she has been in the past.  For instance, does she take her phone calls to another part of the house even though you are the only other person present? Does she act startled or make quick changes to what’s on the monitor when you walk  in the room when she is on the computer?  Does she all the sudden start deleting information about what she is looking at on the web when you thought that she didn’t even know how to do that?

If this is all happening then it should be obvious that she is talking about or looking at something that she does not want you to know about.  But does that mean that she is cheating or even thinking about having an affair? Not Really… She could be planning a suprise party for you or researching that she doesn’t want you to know about yet.  Or even has a friend who is having an affair that she needs to keep secret from everyone including you.  Again this could be just one piece of the puzzle, but alone it is not strong enough evidence that she is the middle of an affair.

(Quick Note: Unless you wife is a hacker or some trained computer specialist, it is unlikely that she knows how to properly erase everything on the computer that she would need to.  The key is being able to find it.  There are several software tools that can find all the traces that are left on the computer’s hard drive from internet activity.  One such tool is  the “Evidence Eraser“, and it can help you properly erase your internet activity as well.)

3) Another sign that works in much the same way is if your wife becomes seems to suddenly shy away from being intimate.  The key to look out for here is if the change occurs suddenly.  This is not to be confused with the decrease in sexual appetite that gets more common as the relationship, in this case a marriage, grows older.  Nobody ever wants to admit that their marriage will become less physical, but time often changes that.

You also need to look out for other conditions that could lead to a sudden, decreased interest in sex.  There are several medical reasons to explain (you can do your own research on that) and something as common as stress can do the trick as well.  If there is a sudden onset of stress associated with things like financial problems or work-related issues, you will surely want to consider that before automatically accuse her of cheating.  But if everything else in your world seems to be normal and she still constantly shuns your attempts to make love, then there is a valid reason for you to suspect something.

4) The fourth possible sign actually pulls a 180 on what we have been talking about before.  Have you noticed that your wife has suddenly paid more attention to you, but not in an overly intimate way?  For instance, has she started buying you gifts or making you extravagant meals for no apparent reason at all?  If this is happening at a rapid rate, then there is a chance that she is trying to subside a guilty conscience.  This guilt will cause her to act more kindly to you, but is not yet stong enough to end the affair or to tell you what is wrong.  If you find that this is happening in your marriage then you should really press her as to where this guilt is coming from.  They will often deny out it or come up with a story that does not relate to the amount of guilt that they are exhibiting.

5) A final sign will tend to develop over time, but it will become more and more noticeable to you.  Think hard about previous conversations and try to determine if your wife has picked up different phrases or slang terms that she has never used in the previous time that you have been together.  Do you find them randomly singing rock songs when you know that she would never listen to that type of music before?  If this is becoming commonplace you should casually ask her where she picked these things up.  If she has a quick descriptive answer than she is likely telling the truth.  But if she has to think hard about it and still comes up with a very vague answer like “I heard somewhere the other day” then it is not wrong to be a little suspicious.

Remember, it takes more than one of these signs to really start to worry about whether or not your wife is having an affair.  And even then, make sure you don’t jump to any conclusions without investigating their true meanings.  But if you are patient and take the time needed to look for these meanings and still can’t find any real reasons, then it may be time to be suspicious and start really getting down to the root of all this.  Be careful to not let your wife know what you are up to and by all means do not get caught while you are in the middle of doing some investigating.

I wish I had all the answers and steps to give you in order to find the facts that you need.  I have seen what a man goes through when he feels strongly that his wife is cheating, but doesn’t know how to verify it.  I am not telling you to go out and hire a professional, because in this age of no-fault divorce, it really doesn’t matter if your wife is cheating on you or not.  But peace of mind is something that you should strive for, it will help you to get on with your life.  If you need to know what steps to take in order to find out the real facts, then I suggest looking into a manual of some sort.  For instance, this guide goes over the exact procedures that private investigators use for their clients and better yet, it lets you know what processes are legal and which ones could get you into a little trouble.  But if knowing the truth is a high priority to you then a manual like this one would be a small price to pay for your sanity.

With all that being said, I sincerely hope that you never find yourself in this position.  Marriages can lead to divorce for a number of different reasons, but finding out that a wife that you shared your life with has been cheating for the last 2 years, can make that divorce that much more painful to go through.

It has been a while since I have added a some new information about men’s divorce, but be certain that I haven’t been slacking in researching new topics and overhauling the divorce newsletter so that it will be available again very soon.  But a particular topic has been big news lately, and even though it has not been regularly associated with divorce, I feel that it is something that needs to be addressed.

Let’s face it, Health Insurance is not cheap, and at the risk of getting into some political debate, I don’t see that changing anytime soon.  But what about Health Insurance and Divorce? At what point can you look to save some money by taking your soon-to-be ex-wife off of your insurance? Unfortunately there is no definitive answer to this question, but I want to discuss some potential options that are available.

The first thing to cover is what conditions does your health insurance policy require in order to make a change.  Some that I have talked to have found out that they cannot even remove someone from their policy without a “Qualified Status Change”, and that doesn’t occur until the divorce is final.  I would hope that by the end of this whole process that you or your divorce attorney has already addressed the issue of health insurance and that it is no longer a question.  If you are nearing the end of your divorce and it has not been discussed, then I would hope that it should now be at the top of your list.  Anyway, if you are not sure what is required in order to remove someone from your health insurance then I would suggest that you contact your provider to find out the specifics.

But let’s say that you find out that you can take her off your health insurance whenever you like.  Don’t make a such a hasty decision without first exploring the benefits/consequences.  Health insurance can make for a powerful bargaining chip as soon as you start talking about a marriage separation.  Everyone can use some type of health insurance, but it is not always something that is readily available.  So when discussing the terms of your marriage separation or even your divorce use the health insurance to your advantage.

But even if it was not used properly during the divorce discussions, it is still not a good idea to act without knowing how it can impact the outcome of your divorce.  Don’t be surprised if the judge doesn’t think to highly of you taking her off of your health insurance policy until the divorce is final.  It doesn’t look good on you if you were to make such a substantial decision without first bringing it up to your divorce attorney or to the judge who is overseeing your case.  This is something that could greatly impact your soon to be ex-wife’s livelihood, or, worst of all, her health.  And believe me, you do not want to come off looking heartless just because you are trying to save some money.

Overall, the best advice that I can give to you concerning your divorce and your health insurance policy is to wait until it is all finalized before taking action.  But if you absolutely feel that something needs to be done before this time then make sure that you bring it up to your divorce attorney, or file your own motion/petition with the judge explaining why it needs to be done.   Health insurance is a very hot issue, and decisions concerning coverage should not be made without making sure that it will not have a negative impact on your case.

Note… This isn’t something that should ever need to be stated, but I don’t want to leave anything out. If you have kids, you should NEVER drop them from your health insurance until you are 100% sure that they are covered some other way.  Voluntarily putting their health at risk just to save some money is one of the quickest ways to guarantee that you will get slammed in family court and end up getting screwed when it comes to custody and child support.

This is an Important Update to MensDivorceHQ.com, and we ask that all of our visitors please take a moment to read this announcement…

When we developed this website, there were a number of goals that we wanted to accomplish.  The first was to provide a continuous stream of information about separation, divorce, and child custody that any man could use in order to get a much-needed head-start.  The best method for this was pretty straightforward when you consider how easily one can add information to site that is based on a blogging platform.  So far that has gone very well with the only complaint being that there are only 24 hours in a day, and time constraints have made constantly updating the website with fresh divorce advice and tips a little difficult.  But that may change when we implement the changes that will be described below.  The idea is to make the best out of bad situation and we believe we have found a way to do that.

Anyway, here is the problem that we have run into….

For those of you who are fairly new to this site, you may not know, but we have spent a great deal of our time answering specific divorce questions and providing tips, via email and IM, about how to make it through their divorce “successfully”.  This became a popular part of the website, as many visitors made their way to the contact page and asked every question that they could think of.  Most of these questions were very specific to their divorce and were not covered on the website.  This was great, because it allowed us to help other guys out who were looking for some kind of information that would help them personally.  Granted is was very time-consuming, and took away from updating the website on a regular basis, but at least we knew that someone was definitely getting some feedback in their divorce issues.

But something happened that had to screw it all up…

Throughout any email conversations that we had with men who were seeking help with their divorce, we would state, on numerous occasions, that none of us were trained divorce attorneys and any information and/or tips that we provided were never to be used as substitute for an attorney.  Well, apparently somebody didn’t fully understand that disclaimer and attempted to pursue his divorce, without a lawyer, based completely on the information that we provided.

We would have been fully able to explain the problem with this had he notified any of us of his intentions.  But since he did not reveal to any of us about his plans to represent himself in his divorce, we omitted some of the minor legal crap that those that have a divorce attorney would never have to worry about.  You see, 100% of the divorce attorneys out there take care this part of the service they provide to their clients.  In this case, a single page form concerning property matters, that was exclusive to the county that this gentleman resided in.

To make a long story short, he only had part of the information that he needed to complete his divorce, and was completely blown out of the water by his ex-wife’s divorce attorney.  And having no one to blame but himself (for not hiring an attorney or at least letting someone here know of his intentions to represent himself ), low and behold he finally employed the services of a lawyer.  But his intentions, this time, was to try and sue someone here at mensdivorcehq.com, saying that we provided him with misleading “legal” advice that lead to a bad outcome in his divorce.

Believe it or not, we had expected this to happen at some point and that is why the disclaimer is added in the first place.  There was absolutely no basis for his lawsuit, and it did not even make it past the first couple of stages.  But we did receive a stern recommendation from the judge and given the fact that none of us can afford any serious legal issues (it cost us $2500 just to get a lawyer just to get it thrown out), we are going to abide by his advice… “stick to the website and leave the courtroom to the attorneys”, which was actually our plan in the first place.

We have a win:win solution…

As a result of all of this, we will no longer be able to work with anyone one-on-one via e-mail, IM, snail mail, or any other method. We especially want to apologize to everyone that was awaiting responses to their questions.  Instead, we will be looking through all emails (past, current, and future) and using those to anonymously pull out questions or issues about divorce to use in future updates.  That way the information will be available to all our visitors, some of whom have similar questions, and yet your questions can still be answered.  So the format can stay the same as it is now, just any e-mails that you sent will be answered on the website.  And don’t worry… No personal details will ever be used on the site. We won’t even let be know if you are a man or woman!

So keep sending us any questions about your divorce that you can think of and then pay close attention to the website as we answer it without providing any direct legal advice.  Pretty smart, huh?  We think so too..

Just wanted to write a quick post to let you know what you could be missing by not being a subscriber to our “Mens Divorce” e-mail newsletter.  We have started to seriously add to the newsletter as of late. For no other reason but that we have discovered that those that take action here, by simply signing up, are those that are more likely to take action during their divorce.  There is no offense intended to our “casual visitors”, but the willingness to take action is an extremely important attribute that you will need to make it through your divorce with minimal damage.  The exact same reason why we started this site in the first place!

Note: Notice that there is no mention of being a “member”.  To be a member of something you have to “pay” for it, but it costs you nothing to be a “subscriber”.  We don’t want members! It seems that you have to pay for just about everything these days. It’s refreshing to find something once and a while that actually has some value, but doesn’t actually cost you a penny.

There are some direct benefits, as well as, a number of tips that are already available only to our subscribers.  The first benefit is getting top priority in any questions that you send to us.  All you have to do is add “subscriber” to the subject line and it automatically moves up to the top of the list.  We have also been granted permission to give out a FREE report on identifying the problems in your marriage in the hopes that you may be able to stop your divorce from even happening (No… we didn’t write it, but a well-known relationship expert did). She has already given us a hint that another report will be available in the very near future.

Subscribers have also received information on what they can do to protect their retirement from having it all pulled out from underneath them during a divorce.  If you have been married for a long time, 10 years or more, then there is a good chance that your soon to be ex-wife and her divorce attorney will try to get their hands on YOUR retirement.  Sometimes you can’t stop it, but you can take steps to minimize what she gets to put in her pocket.  Best thing about it is that the longer the divorce takes, the more you can keep out of her hands.

Also, we are researching and sending out simple tips that you can use to save Big money during your divorce.  These are NOT blatant tips, like “go out and hire the cheapest divorce attorney you can find”.  These are real tips that you can start using today without having to sacrifice anything that is crucial to your divorce, and making it go over as smoothly as possible.  There are probably an infinite number of tips that you can use to save some money, and we will be sending them out in our e-mail newsletters as soon as we get them.

There will be so much more to come for our newsletter subscribers, especially since we have only began to really get in to it.  Reports, guides, tips, and different services are all in the future for the “Mens Divorce” e-mail newsletter, and if you are one those who is more likely to take action, rather than step back and see what happens, then I highly encourage you to sign up.  It’s free.  It’s more interactive.  It has more information that you can use.  And sooner or later, it will likely become the backbone of our entire website.

All you have to do is fill in your name and email into the form on the right.  Follow some simple instructions, and you should receive your first email newsletter within a few minutes.  Nothing else is needed… more emails will follow with all kinds of tips and tactics that you will be able to use during your divorce.

We truly hope to see you on our list of subscribers.  Just like we hope that more and more men will start to take the action that is needed to even out the playing field and make divorce something that does not have to ruin the lives of the men involved.

(In case you are concerned, Privacy is our #1 priority.  Your information is 100% secure.  It will never be given out, or sold to anyone at any time….EVER!  You will NOT be spammed…. Ever!  Just as much as we do not want to be accused as spammers…..EVER!)

We have already covered what steps that need to be taken in order to conduct your future business privately, out of the prying eyes of your soon to be ex-wife and her divorce attorney.  You’ve got the new mailing address, new e-mail address, and a safe  place to store your hard copies of everything.  Now is the time to start separating yourself financially.  The cost of the divorce will be bad enough…you do not want to find yourself in some sort of financial crisis because you left yourself vulnerable.  These things can be done fairly easily, but the headaches that they could cause if they aren’t taken care of could be astronomical.  The sad thing is that you would have nobody else to blame but yourself.

So read each step carefully, and consider putting them into practice as soon as possible:

1) Close any joint credit card accounts immediately. You do not want to find out later that your wife paid her divorce attorney’s retainer with a credit card that you are both responsible for.  Think of it… what if you get off scott-free and do not have to pay any of your wife’s legal fees (believe me they will try), but you find out that she used your joint credit card to pay for them in the first place.  Now with the debt likely to be split 50/50 you have to pay half her legal fees by default.  This is just one example, as she could simply go on one last shopping spree knowing that you will have to pay for at least half of it in the end.  It is just a safety precaution that every man going through a divorce should consider.

If there happens to be a credit card account under your name, and she is an authorized user, by all means have her “unauthorized” immediately.  But do not close that account.  You will need a credit card account or two to help with your expenses and/or any emergencies.  If you do not have your own account once you close out the joint accounts, then be sure and open one up.  You never know when it might come in handy, and you can trust me when I say that it will be a lot tougher to get a new account once you are officially divorced.  You are going to need a way to start building your credit up again and a new credit card account is a good way to start.

2)  Open a new checking and/or savings account in your name only. Some of you may already have one, but for those that don’t make sure to do it immediately.  You are going to need to keep your finances separate at some point in the divorce, so why not start now.  Besides this new account will be crucial for the next couple of steps.  And if you want some added security pick a bank or credit union that neither of you have used before.  If she doesn’t know where you are banking, it will be hard for her to come up with some scheme in the first place.  But just to be even safer, have it noted on your account that your wife (give them her full married and maiden name) is not to have access to this account in anyway.  That way they can be on alert for all sorts of possibilities, the most common being when she finds your checkbook and tries to write herself a check while forging your name.  She has probably forged your name before, in fact you may have asked her to, but now is not the time for her to start practicing your signature again.

3)  Re-route any direct deposits into your new bank account. This is just simply the practical thing to do.  If your paycheck gets direct deposited, then make sure that gets changed first.  This by no way means that you should stop paying any bills that you would normally.  It is just a way to make sure that she cannot get her hands on any extra money and use it as she pleases.  There is a very good chance that this will piss her off, but just remind her that this is what comes with a divorce and that you are still going to cover all the expenses that you have been… just out of another account that she doesn’t have access to.  If she usually handles all the bills, then just find out what needs to go where.  Eventually, you will have to be taking care of all your own bills anyway, so there is no better reason to start now.

4)  Optional, but recommended… Withdrawal exactly 50% of the funds in a joint account and deposit it into your new account. Now this may be considered a little sneaky, and you may be questioned (by the judge) as to why you did this.  But I consider this as being proactive.  Let’s say that you leave all the money in the joint account and someday you find that it has been completely cleared out by your wife.  Your are still entitled to 50% of this money, and with the right financial records it will be awarded back to you during the actual divorce.  But at that point, you are at the mercy of your new ex-wife as to when she will be able to get the money together to pay you back… if she ever does.  She will likely test your determination at first, and you will be forced to spend extra money in legal fees to file contempt charges, having the courts pressure her into paying you back that money.  In the end there is no way of knowing how long that will take.

How much simpler would it have been if you would have just transferred that 50% into your new account months earlier?  This can be done safely.  It’s just very important that you keep excellent financial records.  You need to have the definitive evidence that you transferred only 50% or less.  If there is just the least bit of question, make sure you always error on the lower side, which means it is always better to transfer say 48% than it is to transfer 51%.  If you are not confident in your financial records enough to back your actions up in court, by all means don’t do it.  If you have great records and are still skeptical, by all means consult with a divorce attorney first.  But now is the time to start protecting yourself, your kids, and your future, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Important Note: If there are any non-marital funds in the joint account (ie. money that she inherited or funds that she had saved prior to you getting married) be sure not to include that in calculating the 50%.  You are not entitled to money that will not be considered as marital, and if you make such a mistake, I promise that her divorce attorney will try and make you out to be a money-hungry thief.  This is definitely not worth risking, so remember to always error on the low side.

For anyone who has never been through it, a child custody battle seems like an dreadful ordeal, and I personally would not wish it on any one.  Unfortunately, with a divorce that involves children there is no way to avoid it.  The best approach is to be prepared, research the issue in its entirety, and be fair throughout the ordeal.  There is no reason to ask for more than joint (50:50) custody unless your children are truly in danger by living with their mother.  Many people, men and women, make the mistake of trying to get full custody just to punish the other.  Everybody suffers in this, but no one more than your kids.

To start out our coverage of child custody, I have put together a list of common questions with answers that have been agreed to by several child custody lawyers.  First, it is very important to note that child custody laws differ from state to state.  And the information that you find here works for most areas, but it is still very important that you check that your state has similar views on these issues.

What is the “True” Definition of Custody?

In short, “Custody” deals with the person who is responsible for providing for the children in the case that both parents do not live together anymore.  Which will be the case when you get a divorce.  But this also applies to parents who have never been married, in which case the mother generally has custody most of the time, with the father getting visitation rights.  That is a tradition that is hard to fight, but when the parents were married and taking care of the children under the same roof then there are more options available.

What is the Difference between “Physical Custody” and “Legal Custody”?

Physical custody is more straightforward and refers to the parent who has the child (or children) living with them on a regular basis.  There can be a situation of “joint physical custody” where both parents have the child living with them for an equal amount of time, and they are moved between each parent’s home on a regular basis.

Legal custody is what is awarded when a parent has the responsibility of making the major decisions on issues such as the child’s education, health, and overall well being.  There can be joint legal custody, but it is only recommended when the parents are able to get along, at least for the sake of their kids.

So, How is the Decision about Custody Made?

The ideal way that a decision is made is when the judge approves a plan that is presented and agreed upon by both parents.  But in the case that the parents are unable to come to a decision on their own, they will likely be ordered to speak with a mediator who is experienced in this matter.  In the worst case scenario, the parents cannot come up with an agreement by themselves or with the help of a mediator.  In this case, the judge will have the final say after hearing both sides of the story.  It is very important that you do not let it get to this point, because it is not only very hard on you (emotionally and financially), but it can be devastating to your kids.

Are your kids still allowed to see a parent who has not been awarded Physical Custody?

It truly depends on the situation, but commonly the parent who does not have physical custody is allowed certain visitation periods, which could range from a couple days a week to every other weekend to once a month.  Obviously, this depends heavily on your particular situation.  If there is a chance that a child may be in danger because of a history of abuse or if the parent in question cannot physically and/or financially take care of the child, then visitation could be seriously restricted.  Under the most extreme situations visitation will only be allowed if it is supervised.

What happens if the parent with custody won’t let the children visit the other parent?

If the parent who has been awarded physical custody makes the decision that the children will not be allowed to visit with the other parent, then that parent should file a contempt charge with the court.  When either parent does not abide by a court order that was issued during a divorce, they are guilty of contempt of court.  The judge could then issue sanctions against the offending parent in the form of fines or even jail time.  If it can be proven without a doubt that the parent has been doing this on purpose, then is could be used as grounds to change the child custody situation. But it is more likely that the judge will order counseling or mediation to work things out before he/she will even consider changing the custody agreement.

If the current custody plan is not working, can it be changed?

It is possible for the custody plan to be modified if both parents agree on the changes, draw up a new arrangement, and bring it before the judge, who is the only person that can make it official.  In the case that both parents acknowledge that something is working, but cannot not agree on a new custody plan, they may ask the judge to come up with the changes.  Whatever the judge decides, you can be certain that it is done with the child’s best interests in mind.  Getting a change to the child custody plan gets more difficult if the original arrangement has been working for an extended period, or if the child is already taken care of in his/her current situation.  So if you wish ask for a change in the custody arrangement, you’d better have some valid complaints and plenty of evidence to back it up.

Like I mentioned earlier, this is just the beginning to what will be a large selection of information on child custody.  It is by far one of the most important issues in a divorce, and it has implications for many years to come.  So if you are considering a divorce, or are already in progress, remember that it is not just about you and your soon-to-be ex-wife.  Your children are there too, and they should be a top priority for you throughout the entire divorce.

(Quick note: We will get into this more a little later, but you need to know that all divorce attorneys are not qualified to be child custody lawyers.  So be sure that when you talk to a lawyer for the first time, and you know that child custody will be an issue, make sure talk to them about it.  If they don’t appear to be very experienced, then it would be wise to look for an attorney elsewhere.)

As you will soon see, Item #3 of the divorce checklist is where the real action begins.  The time has come to stop questioning yourself.  The time to be depressed about the end of you marriage is over, and you need to get excited at the chance that you will soon be a “free man” again.  You have spent a lot of your energy wondering where everything went wrong, and whether or not your marriage was worth saving.  Some of you tried to no avail, others knew that there was no point in saving something that turned out to be so miserable.  It is extremely difficult to fight love, and if that love is strong enough it makes us do stupid things, like get married to a person who has only showed one side to us.  And it’s sad to think that it is a common thought among women..”I am married now, I don’t have to try so hard anymore”.  Ironically, it is often a thought like this that leads to them being divorced.

Hopefully, you have done your homework up until now.  You have created a private side to you that will help launch you back into the world once the divorce is over.  You contained all your finances, and prevented yourself from falling deeper in the hole.  You have taken the time to research the better known divorce attorneys in your area, and have possibly talked to one or two of them.  You should have an idea by now about what your divorce has in store for you.  Are you in for an all-out court battle, or you going to be able agree, sign some forms, shake hands, and part ways?  In reality, 90% of all divorces are somewhere in between, but the closer you come to achieving the latter, the better of both of you will be at the end of the day.

There are a number of questions that you need answers for and some action you need to take before you can move on from this stage.  Does your state require you to be separated for a certain period of time before you can file for a divorce?  Have you officially separated from your wife, and if you are still staying in the same home, do you have proper documentation of when the marriage separation began?  Have you spoken to her about how you are going to split up the debts and assets?  In most states, it is a 50/50 split, but you need to know the actual details of that split.

And what about a divorce attorney?  Are you and your wife going to be one of the lucky ones who can start and finish your divorce with total agreement and  thus have no need for a divorce attorney.  If not then you should be very close to hiring an attorney by this point in your divorce.  And if you haven’t gone so far as to find some good attorneys and/or haven’t consulted with any of them, then you need to get the ball rolling on this immediately.  I would be shocked to find that your wife hasn’t at least talked to one attorney by this point.  She will likely be the one to actually file the divorce, but you need to be ready for it.

How about the emotional roller coaster you are about to get on?  Up to this point, you have been probably feeling a lot of resentment and/or depression.  But now that the ball is going to start rolling a lot faster and your emotions are going to do the same.  Some days you will feel fine, others will be filled with anger.  The stress will pile up and you will have problems sleeping, even if you have never had this issue before.  But it is not all bad, some days you will actually find happiness and/or excitement because something has really gone your way.  The emotions that YOU will actually go through will be tough to predict, but it is crucial that you don’t let them steer your decision making.  Use your brains, not your emotions, to make the decisions from here on out.  If, for instance, you let anger rule your decision making, then there will be a very bumpy road ahead of you.

We will go over all these issues and more.  There will be tips that help with you make educated decisions, and other information on how to get through this step with as little stress as possible, and your finances intact.

Quick Review of Item #3 of the Divorce Checklist

• If you haven’t completed some of the goals of the previous section, it’s time to make some progress.
• This step will require some of the biggest decisions yet, with the exception of the deciding to get a divorce.
• The marriage separation becomes a part of the divorce process now, not just a way to get away from your wife for a while.
• Each state has different rules/requirements for the marriage separation and you need to know what your state has to say about it.
• If you determine that a divorce attorney will be required, you need to be moving rather quickly on this.
• The divorce attorney will make sure that everything that is done from here on out will be accepted into your divorce case.
• Be ready for the emotions to start spinning.  There will be such a change from day to day, you will likely start to feel a lot of stress, anger, pressure, and even embarrassment.  It’s normal, but DO NOT let it cloud your judgment.
• As always send us an e-mail, if there are specific questions that you cannot find an answer to.

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locking in the top divorce lawyers in town, without having to officially hire any of them.  This divorce tactic is based solely on a lttle thing known as attorney-client privileges.  To put it simply, your soon to be ex-wife will not be able to hire a divorce attorney that you have already had a meeting with and talked to at length about your divorce case.

The concept would be to set up and attend meetings or consultations with 4 to 8 of the most notable divorce attorneys from around your county.  A lot of these attorneys offer intial consultations at no charge in an attempt to convince you that they are the ideal person to work for you as part of your divorce proceedings.  You may find that some will tack on a small  fee (ie $75), but they will likely get into more information about your divorce.  A small group of the veteran attorneys might actually ask for payment that will amount to their actual hourly rate ($150 – $300).  Many of these services may result in some type of action occuring by the time your consultation is over, which is exactly what happened to me.  Regardless of what takes place during your meeting with the attorney, as long as you spend a decent amount of time going over the specifics of you divorce, it will create a professional relationship.  This results in a conflict of interest if any of these divorce attorneys were to even spend time talking to your soon-to-be ex, and it gets even worse if they were to actually represent her in your divorce.

And so essentially, it really is your choice concerning how much effort and money that you want to put into this.  If you live in a small city, this can be quite a potent divorce strategy, but if you reside in a larger metropolitan area it’s less likely that you could take the time or spend the amount of money it would take to essentially “lock in” every good divorce attorney in your area.  But on the other hand, you might get to feel the aggravation yourself when you find that several divorce attorneys that you try to contact can’t even give you the time of day because your wife has gotten to them first.  But it does go to show you that there is still some benefit to not hiring the first attorney that you talk to.